You ever feel like you’re living in a sitcom, but with less glamour and a lot more laundry? That’s pretty much my life. As a mom of three—Jenny, Lincoln, and Molly—I’ve learned a lot over the years, and it’s mostly come in the form of surprises. And not the fun, “here’s a puppy for your birthday” kind. I’m talking the “I can’t believe this is my life right now” kind of surprises. The kind that teach you life lessons you never signed up for, but here we are.
For starters, let me take you back to a few years ago. Things were, well, different. I was married. I thought we were doing it all right. Then came the big bombshell—divorce. Just like that, everything I thought was set in stone turned into a stack of paper to sign, meetings with lawyers, and way too many sleepless nights. I was suddenly the single mom to three kids, trying to juggle it all—working, school activities, playdates, soccer practices, and oh yeah, trying not to drown in a sea of emotions. Divorce wasn’t just hard on me; it was hard on the kids too.
But let’s be real, no one tells you how to “do” single motherhood. There’s no handbook. Sure, you’ve got your mom friends who offer advice, but honestly? It all depends on what your ex is like, too. For me, I’ve had to navigate what feels like an obstacle course of co-parenting. My ex and I have an arrangement for visitation rights, and it’s been a ride. The first time he took the kids for a weekend away? I stood in the driveway like an emotional mess. I’m talking full-on tears, hand to the forehead, the whole dramatic “who am I now?” thing. But then I got used to it. It wasn’t just that I had time to myself (bless those moments), but it was about learning how to share my kids in a way that’s healthy and works for all of us. It’s been a process.
And guess what? It’s not just about visitation rights—it’s about scheduling. Who knew that keeping track of visitation and trying to stick to some kind of routine would make me feel like I needed a second job? I swear, Google Calendar and I have a relationship now. The number of times I’ve texted my ex about “who has the kids on what day” is honestly embarrassing. You think you’ve got a plan, but then life throws a curveball, and you’re scrambling. I’ve learned that flexibility is key, but also that it’s okay to be frustrated when things don’t go as planned. That’s real life, people.
Let’s talk about the kids. Oh, my sweet, sweet kids. Jenny, Lincoln, and Molly each have their own way of coping with this new reality. Jenny, my 15-year-old, is at that age where she’s figuring out who she is and what she wants in life. Add the divorce to the mix, and it’s like the emotional rollercoaster I never signed up for. She wants independence but still needs me, and sometimes that leaves me feeling like I’m being pulled in a thousand directions. Lincoln, my 11-year-old, is constantly trying to make sure everyone is okay, which is sweet, but also kind of heartbreaking. Then there’s Molly, the 8-year-old, who just doesn’t get why the family isn’t together anymore. Watching her try to make sense of it all? That’s been one of the hardest parts of this whole thing.
One thing I never anticipated—how much me time would be so important. You might think that when you’ve got kids bouncing around the house, you barely have a second for yourself, but I’ve learned that I need those breaks. You know, the ones where I can lock myself in the bathroom for ten minutes, drink a cold cup of coffee, and pretend I’m at a spa. It’s not glamorous, but it’s necessary. I can’t be the best mom I can be if I’m not taking care of myself. And honestly, that’s something I didn’t realize before the divorce. I thought I had to be everything for everyone. I learned that it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes.
And let’s not forget the whole “dating after divorce” thing. That’s a whole other layer of surprise, let me tell you. My first foray into dating after my divorce? Hilarious. You get to that point where you’re like, “Okay, I guess I’m putting myself out there,” and then you realize you’ve forgotten how to talk to someone who isn’t a 5-foot-tall human who needs their shoes tied. Dating again has been a learning curve, to say the least. I’ll tell you, though, the moment I started dating someone who actually respected my role as a mom—well, that was when I knew I was doing something right.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this whole “raising three kids post-divorce” thing hasn’t been easy. There are days when I feel like I’m barely keeping it together, and other days when everything feels like it’s falling apart. But here’s the thing: I’ve learned that this journey, as chaotic and unpredictable as it is, has made me stronger. I’m still figuring things out, still learning every day, and yes, still surprised by what happens next. But one thing is for sure—I’m doing it, and so are my kids. We’re in this together, and that’s all that matters.
So, to all the single moms out there, the ones navigating messy schedules, tricky co-parenting dynamics, and emotional rollercoasters—you’re not alone. We’ve got this, even if we don’t always have it all figured out. Trust me, one surprise at a time, you’ll learn more than you ever thought you would. And sometimes, that’s exactly what you need to keep moving forward.